Please edit my essay. please see my teacher feed back below, also i need three sources from the bc library. and a picture source in total 7 sources. i didn’t get the tree source from bc library
You’re a good writer. This is a good essay. I’m am not the first writing instructor to tell you this either. That’s where the problem begins. You are resting on the laurels of the accolades you have received for your writing in the past to carry you though with what you’ve done in the past. Oh, and you’re a good researcher as well, through the internet. You may feel salty about it, but a core objective in this class is to use the library, so while all of these sources are great, I still want my three from the library. I also want my source from the textbook, and yes you’re right, none of them fit. That’s the point. Go back to my lecture on tertiary sources. I’m requiring you to use a source which, on its face has no relevance to your discussion, but when effectively incorporated reads as if it the most natural source to include. I’m also requiring visuals which you have none. And please figure out something more engaging than just the Apple logo.
Also, you’re not writing an analysis essay here. You don’t have an argumentative, analytical thesis which you then support through your points and research analyzing specific, concrete details. You may challenge me on this, and argue that you are. Let’s take a look. On page two you talk about the annual Apple event, whatever that is. You might be saying, “See Ditusa, that’s a concrete example.” I would disagree. Now, if you talked about the one in say 2018, and went into the specific minutiae of whatever they did and said at that one and analyze and explicate to support of an argumentative thesis, that would be a concrete example. You could pretty much apply that throughout the essay. You’re writing about Apple in the abstract where you can stay a clean, safe distance from what you’re discussing. I’m asking you to get dirty and write an analysis of specifics, not just an informative overview of the company’s marketing.
So again Daniel, but I will dig in and hold you accountable to the criteria I have set forth, if for no other reason than your own demonstrated proficiency at writing now requires additional challenges for it to evolve even further. Great start, now get to work writing the essay I want Daniel.
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